Need a Doula in San Antonio?

Click here to read more from this author – a mom of 3 boys and birth doula in California.

As an educator, I am pretty easy-going.  My main goal is to offer accurate, evidence-based information and trust the expectant family to make the decisions they feel are right for their situation.  I don’t give a lot of “you should do this” kind of advice — it’s just not my style, and I don’t think it lends well to a woman learning to trust her inner wisdom.

One place where I throw this out the window, though, is when it comes to “rules” a partner absolutely must follow.  These rules are not covered in a particular class, rather they come up according to what topics we happen to be discussing.  In class last week we happened to touch upon quite a few of these rules, and I told my families, “I should write these down.”  Enter, the blog!

These are for partners, so the “you” in the sentence is not the woman who is pregnant, but her direct support person…I think you know who you are.

1.  You are not allowed to have bad breath.  Her breath will probably be less-than-optimal — she is working hard, breathing through her mouth, it could have been hours since she last brushed her teeth, or she may have thrown up her last snack.  None of this matters.  She needs support, often in a very close, in-your-personal-space kind of way.  If her breath causes you to recoil, you can muster up your strength and remind yourself of the awesome events unfolding within her body.  If your breath causes her to recoil, she may, very bluntly, tell you so, or maybe she will just involuntarily vomit in your lap.  You have been warned.  No chili cheese fries with extra garlic for you, partner.  Breath mints, gum, and mouthwash are your friends.

2.  You are not allowed to comment about anything else that might come out of her that is NOT a baby.  It is very common for a woman to have a bowel movement during the second stage of birth — it is actually a good thing — not only does it provide extra space for a baby, it also shows she knows how to push.  If a woman asks later, “Did I poop?” be careful, this question can be as loaded as, “Do I look fat?”  My best answers to this question:  “Hmm, I don’t remember,” or a solid, “No.”  One situation, kids, where honesty doesn’t pay.

3.  You are not allowed to try and have a conversation with her during a contraction.  Commonly, partners pick this one up pretty quickly, so it is kind of a freebie.  But, there is a second part:  While this seems like a simple idea to you, others coming and going may not remember to “respect the contraction.”  Your job is to run interference so the laboring woman can focus — remember her contractions are her body’s little bursts of working energy, and her concentration is needed.  If a nurse or friend tries to talk to her at this point, not only can it be a source of irritation to her, it can actually impede her body’s ability to unroll the red carpet that is the birth process.  “Let’s wait and ask her when the contraction is over.”

4.  You are not allowed to suffer in silence if there are people in the room that your partner is obviously not comfortable with.  This includes friends and family as well as hospital staff.  If the person(s) happen to be friends or family, and they just won’t listen to your kind requests of removal, enlist help from your doula or nurse or practitioner.  Get one of these fine folks alone in the hall and let her know your company has gotten out of control, and to save yourself the potential grudge at the 4th of July party and forever, could she please help you out?  These professionals have mouths like magic wands and they can easily clear a room with smiles on their faces and official-ness in their voices.  Your guests will never know what was at the root of their departure, and you have helped protect your partner and the space she needs to un-focus for birth.

If the unwanted guest happens to be working at the hospital, it is perfectly acceptable to ask for a replacement or a removal.  If you feel there is a bad connection with your nurse, you can talk to her about it, talk to the nurse manager about it, or talk to your practitioner about it, and see if the situation can be changed for the better, either with improved communication, or with a new nurse who better fits your philosophy and birthing plans.  If a nurse walks in with a group of students and your birthing partner does not want to be on the observation deck, this is a situation where you can ask for removal, in a nice way, of course.  “My-partner-the-laboring-woman and I discussed this beforehand, and she is not comfortable having students present.”

5.  You are not allowed to get upset if you catch the brunt of some unseemly comments.  When a woman is having a baby, some odd things happen in her brain and she may not be in the “polite” part of her mind – that filter of sorts – that “nice-izes” the things we say.  Imagine this:  your eyes are closed and you are listening to something you know is very important, but it is lightly garbled and it runs together.  Your job is to pick out the words and phrases and construct some logical instructions out of it.  The words are being whispered, and you are concentrating hard, trying to understand them.  At the same time, you are aware of a fly buzzing around your face.  You don’t know how long the fly has been there, but suddenly it seems like forever, and in a nanosecond, the idea of that fly just consumes you, and you pop open your eyes and start flailing your arms around like crazy, surprised by how you went from zero to medieval in no time flat.  That’s kind of what it’s like in your head when you are absorbed in having a baby.

6.  You are not allowed to complain about being tired, hungry, sick, or sore.  That just kind of goes without saying.  If you feel you might need someone to help you help your partner if one of these four physical conditions should arise, consider hiring a doula.  Not only does she help the laboring mother, she also ensures the birth partner is doing well, gets to eat, gets to rest, gets a shoulder rub, etc.

To sum up:  Labor and birth are intense times.  There is so much going on that it can be hard to know how to help.  A woman must go through this process herself – no one can do it for her.  But that doesn’t mean she has to be alone while she is doing it.  The most important rule a partner should remember is to be with her and remind her of the wonderful job she and her baby are doing together, and that she has your support, your heart, and your presence during the process.

Author: Stacie Bingham. Printed with permission.

*Printed with permission from Birthing with Guinever. This is an awesome site with several great articles about pregnancy and birth.

So you’re pregnant, and you think you might want to have a natural birth. Having had 5 natural births myself, I’d like to offer what I feel are a few of the most important things to do in order to achieve a drug-free birth.

1. Going natural is a mindset. Make the commitment during pregnancy that drugs are not an option for labor. Believe that you can do it, and you will. If you have the feeling that you’d like to try it to see how it goes, but you’re open to getting an epidural, I guarantee you that you will have the epidural. Labor is hard work and to get through it, you can’t be wishy washy going into it. One medical intervention leads to another.

2. Surround yourself with friends and family who believe that you can have a natural birth, who assume that you can do it. Tune out the negative birth stories that some girlfriends might tell you about how awful labor was until the epidural took effect. Instead, seek out labor stories from women who have had natural birth and you’ll hear how awesome the birth was, how the baby latched on right away, how the nurses kept making comments that the baby was so alert. You’ll hear how proud her husband was, what a great help to her he was during labor, and that the birth was an empowering, amazing experience.

3. Take a private, independent childbirth class. (in other words, don’t take the birthing classes offered by the hospital.) If this isn’t possible, prepare yourself by reading several pregnancy books and learning labor coping techniques. Consider my list of recommended books.

4. Choose your doctor or midwife carefully. If you don’t know where to start looking for a care provider, ask your local childbirth educators and doulas for ideas. Ask lots of questions in your first few pre-natal visits so there aren’t any surprises later on. Be wary when the answer is always, “I only do that when its medically necessary.” You need to ask them, “How often do you feel its medically necessary?” (to do inductions, planned cesareans, episiotomies, etc) You want to find someone with a low induction, low cesarean, low episiotomy (and low tear) rate. Don’t be afraid to switch doctors or hospitals no matter how late it is in your pregnancy. Remember, it is your birth, and you are hiring them to work for you. There should be a mutual respect.

5. During labor, just take one contraction at a time. Don’t worry about the length of labor–how long it has been or how much longer it might be. Women talk about their long labors, but remember, its not as if they were in constant pain for 18 hours. Contractions only last for about a minute (longer during later labor) and you get breaks in between. Don’t let anyone tell you that your body isn’t working if your labor slows down. That is just the body’s way of giving you a rest. Be thankful for the break because labor will pick up soon enough.

*To read points #6-10,  visit Birthing with Guinever’s website here. You can also read many other articles including several positive and encouraging birth stories. Click here to read the small but growing collection of birth stories on this website.

Why are families having homebirths? Though each couple may have individual reasons, most plan homebirths because they believe that most of the time pregnancy and childbirth are normal functions of a healthy body — not a potential life-and-death crisis that requires the supervision of a surgeon.

Six Myths About Childbirth Exposed

Myth #1 — Hospital births are statistically safer than homebirths.

Myth #2 — You can get more professional attention in a hospital than you could get at home.

Myth #3 — The more modern technology you have on hand, the easier the birth will be.

Myth #4 — A hospital is a more sanitary place to have a baby than at home.

Myth #5 — A hospital is the most comfortable place to have a baby.

Myth #6 — It’s impossible to find any qualified person to assist you in having a baby at home.

Click here to read more about each of these myths about home birth.

This video is amazing – and she has a beautiful voice!