*Note – This has been my most difficult birth, emotionally that is. I had experienced 2 miscarriages between my 4th and 5th babies, and I strongly believe they greatly contributed to my emotional state and the fact that I was much more fearful and not well prepared.
On the evening of Monday, June 19th I went to my monthly ladies’ Bible study at the church, even though I had not really been planning to go this month. I felt really good after taking a nap on Monday afternoon, and decided to go ahead and have one last night out, because I knew I would be at home for awhile after the baby’s birth. After I got home that night Nelson and I spent some time together (ahem!) and right afterwards I had a bloody show when I went to the bathroom, at about 11:30 PM. I wasn’t really feeling anything else at the time, but I knew that the blood was a good sign that something might be happening. I went downstairs and Nelson and I talked for awhile, and finally I told him about the bloody show and he got the biggest smile on his face! I told him I didn’t know if this was the real thing or not, but that I wouldn’t be surprised. We sat and talked for awhile longer and I could tell that I was definitely having some contractions, but nothing more intense than any other night previous to this one so far. I didn’t think I would be able to sleep though, so I asked him to stay up with me for a little while. It didn’t take too long until I started feeling more intense contractions, and after wondering what to do, we decided to go ahead and start preparing our bedroom for the birth just in case. We really didn’t want to repeat what had happened with Philip’s birth where I didn’t even have time to get in the water before he was born. So we felt like we needed to get things ready plenty early. Nelson brought up the pool and started filling it, then he cleaned the bathroom and made the bed. I kept him busy doing some other things as well. I was really wondering when we should call our midwife, so Nelson suggested that we time some of the contractions to be able to tell her something. He also checked my cervix at that point and said he could definitely tell things had changed, and thought I was between 2-3 cm dilated. We timed the contractions for about 45 minutes or so and they were consistently 3 minutes apart but only about 45 seconds long. Still, we decided to go ahead and call our midwife to let her know that I was in early labor. She said she would take a shower and go ahead and come, and that she would also let the other midwife know. I think we called her around 1 AM or so. I also called my mom and mother-in-law, who both said they would be on their way.
I stayed downstairs for a short time after this, reading the Bible and walking around. I eventually went back upstairs though, I was still in early labor and just needed the distraction of having Nelson there to talk to. Mom came over in a few minutes, and she also stayed upstairs and talked to me for awhile because I told her that it was distracting to have the conversation. Once I went back upstairs I really started losing track of time, I only remember looking at the clock a few times, and once I realized that it was 3:30 AM, the same time that Philip was born, and I remember really wishing that this birth could be over too. My midwife came, and sat and talked to us for awhile, I remember being able to laugh with her quite a bit at first and I shared some of the details of my other births with her. We also laughed when Nelson shook my rear end during a contraction (something I had read about in my doula books) and I had to tell him to stop because it was making me laugh and lose my concentration.
I had decided to take Vitamin C during this labor because it had really seemed to help during Philip’s birth, although I had only taken it two times. This time I took 4000 mg every hour for 5 hours, and eventually I had to stop taking it because it was giving me really bad diarrhea and making my bottom hurt terribly. At first I wasn’t sure the diarrhea was being caused by the Vitamin C, because I had already been having it prior to labor starting. But eventually I had to admit that the Vitamin C wasn’t helping this time, and actually made the labor quite a bit harder to handle because of having to spend so much time on the toilet. It was also very hard to deal with the contractions while my bottom was hurting so much at the same time. I even had to put off getting into the pool for awhile because of it, although I finally decided I just had to get in anyway, and then had to get out 2 more times during the labor to run to the toilet. Thankfully I made it in time and the water didn’t get dirty.
I remember trying quite a few different positions during my labor this time, partly because the labor itself lasted longer than I was used to, and partly because the contractions were much more intense and painful starting at probably around 3 AM or so. I sat on our exercise ball quite a bit at first, then knelt beside and leaned over the bed, then laid on the bed with the body pillow for awhile, then stood up and leaned against Nelson for awhile (trying to get the baby to move down), plus of course spending plenty of time on the toilet. I also really appreciated the back massager/vibrator which Nelson and my midwife used on my lower back during every contraction until I got into the pool. Once I got in the pool (maybe around 6 AM?) I reclined most of the time, although at one point I leaned over the side on my hands and knees, because I was thinking that this was the position I wanted to actually give birth in. It would have worked fine, except that the baby still wasn’t moving down, so they asked me to change positions again close to the end and I ended up semi-sitting against the side of the pool for the birth.
My midwife checked my cervix a few times during labor – the first time I was 4 cm dilated, the 2nd time I was 5 cm dilated and 75% effaced, and the 3rd time I was still 5 cm dilated but 90% effaced. This slow progress was really discouraging to me, because I felt like the contractions were much more intense than that and that I should have been progressing faster. I decided after the 3rd check that I didn’t want her to check me anymore because it was painful and because I didn’t want to continue to be discouraged.
This labor was the hardest one of my 5 births to deal with except maybe for my first one where I spend most of it on my back in a hospital bed. The last 3-4 hours of the labor were very intense and I really felt like I was in transition that whole time. It helped to listen to my scripture tape that Nelson made for me, and also to a CD made for me by the children for Mother’s Day with them singing and reading to me. But I really struggled with keeping in control of the pain for quite a long time, and I remember wishing over and over again that it would just be over, or that I could just have a break. I knew that if they broke my water it would probably help the labor go faster, but I was already right at the edge of what I thought I could tolerate, and all I could think of was that I didn’t want it to hurt more. I had been more fearful of this pregnancy and birth all along, and had been trying to deal with that by praying and quoting scriptures, etc. but I really think that my fears played a part in the more difficult labor and birth.
I think it was around 6:30 or so that they decided to wake up the children, because they thought it was getting close and I didn’t want them to miss it. Courtney came in to see me, and someone told her to start rubbing my arm. Courtney was so calm and sweet that she ended up staying with me the rest of the time, and although I was having a hard time, I really appreciated her being there. The contractions had been coming right on top of each other for awhile now, and at some point my midwife said that she needed to check to see how much cervix I had left, because I could feel the baby moving down. She said that there was an anterior lip of cervix that was keeping the baby from coming, and that I would have to have a few more contractions. I remember saying (thinking?) “No, no more” at that point, and I really didn’t think I could do it. I had been moaning through the contractions for quite awhile now, and I also remember the midwife talking me through them and how much her soothing voice helped. After awhile longer she said that she needed to try and push back the lip of cervix so that the baby could come down. When she said that I could only think of how it would hurt for her to touch me, and I begged her please not to do it. But she did it anyway, and it really did hurt! I felt the baby come down immediately, and then the urge to push came on me suddenly and strong. The midwives and Nelson all three started shouting at me not to push, and to stop screaming (I had asked them previously to do this to help me stay in control) but I had had enough, and I just didn’t care anymore, I wanted this baby out! I pushed and screamed, and then Nelson put my hand down there and I felt his head! They were still telling me to slow down and not push, but I just wanted him out of me, and I pushed again as hard as I could to get it over with. He came out with one more push and they brought him up to the surface and covered him with a towel right away (the water had gotten a little cooler than they wanted). Nelson and the midwife held the baby up to me and told me to look at him, and when I did he was looking right back at me with blinking eyes. He didn’t cry right away, but just looked at me. He was covered with thick vernix, even in his nostrils! After a minute or two someone asked me if it was a boy or a girl (I had requested that no one tell me but instead let me find out for myself) and I moved back the towel and saw that I had another son. We stayed in the water for awhile just looking at him, and at some point he decided to scream for a few seconds, just to prove he could do it. I felt another contraction, and my midwife told me that I could deliver the placenta myself if I wanted to. So with the next contraction I reached down and pulled gently on the cord, and pushed at the same time. The placenta came out immediately and it was really small and easy compared to previous times. They told me that not very many moms want to deliver their own placenta! We stayed in the water for about 25 minutes, then I was ready to get out and wanted to shower off right away. Matthew helped cut the cord, and then my midwife took Zachary while I did that and rubbed him down with towels. He was born at 7:10 AM.
Zachary nursed perfectly the very first time I tried, and he was perfectly healthy. I hardly bled at all, and recovered from the birth very quickly as well. I did not tear at all, and had only 3 tiny skid marks which healed within a couple of days. I did have some very strong after pains, but they only lasted about 2 days. The midwives stayed for about 2 ½ hours after Zachary was born, checking both of us to make sure we were doing well. Both midwives agreed that he was born early, they estimated by about 10 days or so, which was the same as my last baby! He was 8 lbs exactly, and 21 inches long.
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